There is a bunch of F!&kcd up things happening in my life right now. From the outside and zip code one would think, I have the most perfect life. But whatever you imagine can happen, is happening. You name it, I'm living it. But when I tell you, I feel nothing but pure joy and happiness. Like really I do. I tried to get upset, cry and whine, but none of that stuff happened. The tears wouldn't fall, girlfriends refuse to indulge the whining and Barcardi soothe the oncoming worry. All the great spiritual teachers have said you need nothing in this world but to be grateful. Not the clothes, cars, vacations, men, woman, none of it. I thought those guys were nuts. But I had it all, the cars, house, exotic trips and it meant nothing. At the time it was the most wonderful thing in the world. Everyone would ask, where are you off to again Kym and I always had the perfect answer. Paris, London, Africa, the caribbean, etc, etc. They thought I was living the life, but what I was really doing was running faster than Jackie Joyner Kersee.
It has finally hit me that I was always happy. I was always in peace and joy, I just told myself I wasn't and did things to prove that was indeed true. But I was always happy, in this body, in this space, with all this chaos. I have worked myself in a constant frenzy, thinking and believing happiness could be something other than this exact moment. Would I like the chaos gone? Would I like the winning mega million ticket, hell yeah! But for now, I'll embrace all the love God, the Universe has for me. Resting in that is the only true happiness.